The kind of male homosapiens that pick up broken hearts like tax collectors, who leaves you overdosing in honey and flowers one day and loneliness and sorrow the next.
As Urban Dictionary said it – “the lowest possible form of the vile, degenerate waste pouring from the proverbial asshole of society” (LOL)
Perhaps you’ve had that kind of relationships that bear no name. The kind that are whirl-wind, undefined, with a weird sort of “together” non-sense… Those ‘flings’, that feel real for one day and mythical the next. And sometimes, even when you thought you knew all the signs and where it’s going and how short-live they are going to be, they still leave you stranded and burned with ashes in your mouth.
But flings remained flings – it’s not real enough to make you sad, and when you’re not sad enough, you can’t cry. So it lingers in your mind like the faint ticking clock of an old rickety house.
Yet it’s not unreal enough to forget either. Even for a brief moment, a piece of you was with him. He was there, you felt him with more than just the touch of your fingertips, and you know it’s not just another midsummer dream.
So you went to bed and fall sleep with all the memories of those late night texts, those butterflies in the tummy, the hasty goodbyes, the disappointments and the many unanswered questions of ‘why’ and ‘what if’.
But hey – those guys who are gone before they’ve even unpacked – they’re not just fuckboys. They are lessons to be learned.
Once, at a low point of a failed relationship, a friend of mine told me he prefers to think of crushes as chances to discover more about himself. “I can’t believe I can feel like this or behave like that”, he said. I didn’t want to think of it that way, because I didn’t believe they deserve such kind approach. Nonetheless, I also knew there are things you can’t change but your attitude. So after all the heartbreaks was made and the getting over was done, i took the dross and turned them into gold –
Lessons, that is.
Looking at it from the other side, these flings, these ‘fuckboys’… they let you witness the highs and lows of human nature – of how others can lie and smile without batting an eye; of their ignorance to the aftermath you will have to take; of the infinite ruthlessness and callosity of a person; of the little games they love to play with your unprepared heart and mind.
By that, you know yourself better. It unlocks you to the possibilities of emotions and self-behaviors that you didn’t know you could have. It shows you how much you can feel for a stranger, how vulnerable you can be to his mind and touches; and how strong you are to be able to withstand it all, and to get through it all.
Don’t be bitter. Don’t curse his name in tears. Let the villains play their role. Let them do wrong so the right one can remain right.
They were the life experiences you need in order to grow, so that you can live your life and love yourself in a better way. Although most probably, they will leave scratches here and there, some burning imprints that will make you miss the heat of the moment. You will withdraw into your little shell and flood it with sad songs and scribbled all over it with quotes of an unrequited love. Just so that someday – when the shell rusts away and sunlight creeps in, you will understand that it was not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing to make sense of.
You will come to accept that people leave just because they want to, people did you wrong because they didn’t want to make it right, they didn’t do right because they were not the right ones to begin with anyway.
So ring up your friends, go out, have some drinks, play your favorite sports, order more cakes and ice creams, visit a city you’ve always wanted to…
Your skin may run white scars, but they will serve as a reminder to wrap yourself in roses and sunshine until the right guy comes along. And while he will be just another mere human being who is full of flaws and blemishes, he will reach you through the petals and hold your thorns – and you will see the reasons to why nothing ever made sense before he came.
P/S: No this is not solely about you, stop making yourself too important 🙂