My “coming out” Story

Recently depression has been the main talk of the media, which is great because finally our community is starting to be aware that mental diseases is a real issue that needs attention.

Sometimes ago I took 10 days off social media and here was what happened:

– I have mild bulimia. and I battled it from time to time.

It’s strange coming from me out of all people, who is supposed to be the role image, the representative of leading a healthy life, right?

It’s not simply just the guilt of eating bad food. It’s a mental disease that makes you hate yourself. It makes you BELIEVE that there is something wrong with you and whatever that is, it’s unacceptable. If you think feeling a little down after snuggling up a few slices of pizza every now and then is bulimia then you’ve got it wrong. It’s so much worse. The first person to love you should be you, the last person to ruin you should be you, nobody can hurt you more than you hurt yourself. I won’t go into details what exactly that I’ve done, but I didn’t do myself justice.

So, why so?

I think all mental diseases start from the outside in. We’re all shaped by our surrounding environment. I was quite happy with myself but it seems in our country I’m not the most ideal looking, and the weird thing is some think it’s alright to just randomly leave comments about my body. Some of whom are my friends, and I know they adore me. Nonetheless the whole road to that breaking point doesn’t just happen in a day. It’s an accumulative process that builds up from every single unwanted opinion until one day your cool just bursts, then it’s impossible to put on a good face and people assume you’re crazy for no good reason.

But aren’t things like that – the insensitivity – one of the first steps that leads to eating disorders?

Isn’t that partly why Photoshop and all those photo manipulation apps exist? Why people alter their photos and live pretend on the internet?

I don’t tell you you’re fat, or disgustingly thin or whatever. So why do you say that to me when I’m healthy and happy?

There is nothing wrong with finding someone’s appearance unsuitable to your taste, but if you’ve got nothing nice to say, please don’t say it at all.

Also, please don’t tell us to just “ignore it” either. Because how long can we turn a blind eye until it happens again ? Each time worse than the last ? How unfair it is when we’re the only ones who have to fix ourselves.

I don’t even want to be on social media anymore. It’s too scary, too toxic.

As much as I want attention, it’s really not easy to just go out there and tell people “Hey, there’s something wrong with me”. It’s very, very hard to talk about this. I want to be normal, not broken. And I believe that many of us, most of us, live in a subtle, constant fear of being rejected. We will act like we’re good and we’re okay, until it’s not anymore.

Please, if you can do a good job at loving someone, teach them to love themselves too.


One Comment Add yours

  1. An V Nguyen says:

    You look great!
    I do believe the beauty comes from inside. There is no such thing as disease if you keep your mental energy healthy and calm.
    Please do post more here. It will bring me the will to travel again. It’s been months since my last flight.
    Thanks, and be happy!

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